French Kissing Life

Ep 11: Why Do We Stop Playing with Emily Cassel

• Shawnna Stiver • Episode 11

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Have you ever caught yourself smiling at the thought of a childhood game or felt the rush of joy from an impromptu dance party during chores? That's the spirit of playfulness that Emily Cassel, a master coach dedicated to infusing life with fun, and I cultivate in this heartwarming episode. We'll whisk you away to a realm where play isn't just for kids – it's a critical ingredient for adults seeking stress relief, joy, and authenticity in every facet of their lives.

Emily Cassel has been empowering women entrepreneurs since 2014, guiding them to breakthroughs in business and beyond. With her innovative approach, she helps women start, grow, lead, and scale their businesses efficiently. Emily specializes in overcoming the internal and external barriers that visionary entrepreneurs face, shifting them from incremental to exponential growth. She has built multiple successful businesses, a thriving community of female founders, and is recognized as an expert leader and master coach in her field.

Topics covered:

  • Embracing playfulness in business and life.
  • Recognizing the importance of play for creativity, innovation, and fulfillment.
  • Understanding the connection between joy, pleasure, and productivity.
  • Overcoming self-imposed limitations.
  • The significance of creating boundaries and prioritizing pleasure.
  • The value of spending time with children and the elderly.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to French Kissing Life. I'm your host, shauna Seiber, and I am thrilled to help you discover what makes your heart race, your soul dance and your spirit sore. Every week, you'll get a fun dose of inspiration, laughter and a sprinkle of magic as we explore stories, insights and conversations that empower you to ignite the spark within, in a world that demands you be anything but yourself. This is your permission slip to be a little more you. Together, let's shed the shoulds, embrace our unique brilliance and welcome more joy. Are you ready to French Kiss Life? Welcome back to another episode of French Kissing Life. I am your fun-loving, adventure-seeking French fry-eating host, shauna Seiber. Both myself and today's guests were having a bit of a day, but we turned the beat around by the end and we're embracing the annoying life things with a spirit of play, which is exactly what today's show is about. Here's a question for you why do we ever stop playing? By and large, as adults, play is seen as a waste of time because of our never-ending to-do list and, as a result, we're living in a world that's more conducive to anxiety than playfulness. Today's guest wants to help bring back the spirit of play in business and beyond.

Speaker 1:

Emily Castle has been coaching, mentoring and leading women entrepreneurs to their next breakthrough since 2014. Emily specializes in helping women, specifically visionary entrepreneurs, break through the internal and external limits and shift from incremental growth to exponential growth. Along the way, she's built her own multi-six figure businesses, a thriving ecosystem and community of fellow female founders, and is known as an expert, standout leader, trailblazer, innovator and master coach in her industry. Emily was my coach last year for the women's leadership mastermind. I was a part of, and had a front row seat, kind of to, my infamous skinny dipping shenanigans.

Speaker 1:

In today's episode, we talk about how we can be more childlike in business and life, the different types of playful people, the health benefits of play and tips for inviting more of it in our everyday lives. We play a fun game of what do you want to be when you grow up, and then I ask Emily some very hard hitting rapid fire cues before she reveals her own skinny dipping confession. This is an episode that nearly goes off the rails in the very best way imaginable. Don't stop playing and enjoy my conversation with Emily Castle. Hi, emily, how are you? Hi, I'm good. I know we're both having a day today, which is perfect because we're going to talk about play.

Speaker 2:

All we're going to do this whole time is play, because we're a coping mechanism for the days we're having.

Speaker 1:

Yes, it is a quite the hump day. Thank you so much for being here on French Kissing Life with me. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2:

I've been much anticipating this exciting moment for us for a while.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I've been talking about it forever. You were one that was a front row seat to me getting this off the ground, so it's surreal that we're actually doing it. We're doing the thing.

Speaker 2:

It's real, you did it. It is, I mean, it happened. Yes, so exciting.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I was your protege. Is that what you call them, or your students, or your mentees, like a protege?

Speaker 2:

I don't think I've ever had a protege, but that's pretty fun Sounds very professional.

Speaker 1:

So Emily was my coach last year. She was a witness to the infamous skinny dip moment that changed the world, at least the podcast world, well, maybe just my world. It changed my world. So I want to talk to you about play today because I know that for you specifically, like, there's just a youthfulness and a magnetism and a spirit of playfulness in everything that you do, and I think that we as adults sort of don't take enough of an opportunity to stop and do that. I think that that is like such a good way to invite more joy and invite more presence and everything into our days. So why don't we start out with you kind of just like telling me about your background, sort of how you got into the work that you're doing, because I know that at one time you wanted to be a Disney princess, I think, or a singer or I'm sure.

Speaker 1:

So tell us all the dreams.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, I think growing up I wanted to be like a performer of some kind, because that's what everybody always fed in me or praised in me or wanted me to do in my family. So I grew up singing and dancing and cheerleading and lots of things like that, and always dancing and just performing and putting on plays and forcing people into them, into the character roles, and watching the Wizard of Oz and other musicals on repeat at all times and dressing up as Dorothy for five years of my life, gone through many blue gingham dresses and red sparkly shoes in my day, and then I became an overachiever and show choir and that evolved into all these other things leadership positions and academic excellence and all of these things. And so I mean it's interesting to say like the difference between playing and performing right and playing is something that we're doing for the joy of it, performing is we're doing it for other people, right To watch or to witness or to get something from. But play is so honoring of our own pleasure that it's not about somebody else, right, it's truly about us and the experience we're having, the process of it versus the result. So I think that sort of same vibe kind of followed me through all of those aspects of who I became and I think there was a healthy balance of both for me. Obviously, you're putting something together, like you're cheering, you're doing practices and you're tossing people in the air, and there's a practice around it and there's also joy in it. My cheerleading coach used to say and she was hard like, she was a hard ass and she was really amazing and also everybody was terrified of her. So she was this tiny little woman, she's like under five feet tall and she's so tiny, but she's just powerful. And she would say feel it here, see it here. Because she was like you have to be smiling all the time, you have to be standing in this very specific way and you have to feel the joy for what you're doing and it will show on your face and you can't fake it. So she instilled that in us, definitely.

Speaker 2:

And then I got to college and I went to an all women's college and I studied psychology. I really wanted to just help people was my goal. Going into that and I knew that I was really interested in human behavior and the brain and how that works, and a book that fell off the shelf for me in high school was Luanne Bresendine's book the Female Brain, and I was just like what? No one talks about this, how our brains and our whole bodies actually are so different. This is crazy. This is revolutionary information. Why does no one talk about this? This is wild. So a lot of the things that now are very like oh, of course, cycle thinking and your brain is literally doing something totally different. Every different phase of your cycle throughout the month and all of those things that now we talk about all the time was not that ubiquitous or well known and I was like, wow, this is revolutionary.

Speaker 2:

Then I went to an all women's college and same as my high school journey, like got involved immediately in every leadership opportunity and ran for student government and was class president my first year and then moved into like the executive board the following years and this was very interested in like OK, how can I kind of like game the system and get the most out of it as possible? Yes, I really can, and you know how do I have the best experience here? And I was just like, well, there's so much and like everything was so cool because it was this world where everything was built for women to serve women. It was like, oh, we're only going to have women speak, obviously, we're only going to have women in leadership positions, obviously. Oh, we want something changed. Women will do it. You know like it was just so cool to witness and even like the equipment in the gym was like specifically for women, you know, like women's bodies, like it was a different type of gym equipment. So it was so cool to be in that space and I met amazing people and it was fantastic.

Speaker 2:

And I studied psychology, like I mentioned, but then was looking for like where's this thing that I'm trying to find in psychology, like, yeah, yeah, the basics, yeah, stats, yeah, this like. And then I found an elective and positive psychology and I was like my whole soul lit up and I was like this is what I've been trying, this is what I thought it was going to be, like this is what just makes so much sense to me, like how do we take people from neutral to thriving, versus, like this old paradigm model of psychology and medicine where it's like how do we take a sick person and make them okay? You know, and I was really looking, interested in looking at the other side of things, because in my own self study curriculum, like books that I was reading in high school and junior high even was like how do we change the world? And like how do we build businesses and how do we like spirituality and the four agreements and all of these things that I was like building my own curriculum unknowingly for years and years. So that was kind of my context and I was like how do I fit the study and a degree into this thing that I feel and know to be possible but like doesn't yet quite exist? And so positive psychology was that for me.

Speaker 2:

And then I also double minored in marketing and sustainable food systems, because I knew that I really wanted to own a business at some point but I didn't know what exactly that would look like. What I could see at the time was like I probably will have like a holistic health center. That would be cool. And like have all these different things that should be in the same place but aren't anymore back in the same place? Like why have we separated nutrition and psychology and health and fitness? And like all of these different modalities, like why are they so separate? Why do I have to go to all these different places to find them? Like I would love to bring them all together under one roof, and I never ended up doing that, but I have done that, I think, in my own way of like bringing disparate parts back into harmony in a lot of the things that I've built in my own business over the past decade. So, yeah, that's kind of, and not only that.

Speaker 2:

I had originally planned to do a three two program, get my masters in counseling right away, but my professor, thank God, like Angel man came in and was like, if you want to do positive psychology, do not get a degree in counseling, because you will definitely not be doing that and it will take you further away from what you actually want to do, so don't do that.

Speaker 2:

And I'm like, okay, cool, thank you. And now what? And then it was like, well, there's really no path, there's no regulations. You don't get a degree in it and you can like do a certification course, but like right now, the only thing that there really is is this like executive coaching thing, which sounded really dry and boring and was like through a university or you can do like health coaching, and I was like that doesn't feel big enough, that doesn't feel like it hits all the points and like neither of these like where's the option for me? And so I found this year long coaching training and it was for all women and it was based in sisterhood and it was like taking you through all of these different types of coaching every month. And it was incredible and that was my first coaching investment ever and it was just like this whole world opened up and I was like that's the thing for me. And I did that and started coaching people like month two of the training because I was like I'm ready.

Speaker 1:

Let's go.

Speaker 2:

This is so awesome. Meanwhile I was working in like a magazine publishing company and 22 went full time in my business and have been evolving and growing it ever since, and now it's become something totally awesome under the umbrella of woman up and it really does feel like in this frame of playing. It's like it does feel so fun to lead my own business in this way and be able to support like different people in different ways, all day long, every day. So fun, having the time of my life, and it feels more like play than work most days. So, yeah, that's my, my story.

Speaker 1:

So I found this quote that said it was a quote from Picasso, who once said it took me a lifetime to paint like a child.

Speaker 1:

And it strikes me that, as you were talking about your whole experience, starting, as you know this little girl who's kind of always on performing, checking the boxes, you know doing all the rules that would kind of take you to the next level, and probably there was a lot of pressure in a lot of that to kind of, like, you know, do all the things because this was the path that you go on. I can totally relate to that. And now, as you look at your business and how that has evolved and how you help women, you're really kind of helping them to not be that but to be more playful, to be, you know, easier on yourself to work in rhythm with your own internal, you know, like body and and the rhythms that you have and you know just more sustainable way of going about things. So it's almost like you know you kind of did the same thing that you know he's talking about. It just didn't take you your entire lifetime to get there.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's interesting. It's like, yeah, and also like children, that intern, that inner playfulness, that, like inner child, doesn't have any rules. It's like, no, fuck your rules, you're breaking all of them, and that's what I feel like I'm really helping a lot of women do too, in their industries and in the types of businesses that they want to build, and even in their own conditioning around like this is what it's supposed to be or this is how I'm supposed to get there, this is how I'm supposed to do it. It's like no, actually, like you're blazing a new trail, so there are no rules. You're making the rules. Take your power back from whatever rules you think exist, because they don't. You are making them like you're the boss and you had to do what you want. And why not If that's the option? Like make it so fun for yourself. Like we create these situations where actually, it's like we get addicted to like struggle or it being so hard, and it's like is it? Or?

Speaker 1:

are you?

Speaker 2:

making it that way, by super imposing, like an old paradigm of belief system and narrative over something that you actually have total freedom and control to make whatever you want it to be and to relate to it However you want to relate to it and you just get to play like. You get to play with the things that you're building. You don't have to like it's not, it's only hard if you make it hard. Or your perspective can be like oh my God, isn't this so cool and fun and easeful for me to do exactly what I'm here on this earth to do? Yeah, and you get to choose. Choose your own adventure.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, and so you mentioned your, your company, which is woman up, but tell everybody what the role that you play, pun intended. But for people now like what do you, what do you help them with specifically?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh. So many things it's hard to distill, I would say. In general, I help women build like sustainable, regenerative business ecosystems that are incredibly scalable, innovative, disruptive and enjoyable for them to lead and to develop the skills that they need to be able to hold that kind of business as a leader along the way, meaning like how do you build a team and how do you do all the stuff that you actually need to do and evolve as the woman that you're becoming to be able no-transcript lead that, that version of your business? And also how do you get into this like upward spiral of infinite momentum with other women in community and have really everything and everyone that you actually need to grow and involve your business to the next many levels forever and ever at your fingertips, without having to go like find and hire a team that's all spread out, and like discover all of these experts and like Google your life away or go down on these rabbit holes of research.

Speaker 2:

Like, how do you just be really well resourced and super supported as a woman entrepreneur? Because that's so revolutionary and uncommon that like actually we try to do all of this alone and we like struggle our way through and throw spaghetti at the wall. But what if you could just have, like everyone and everything you actually need, that you don't have to like you eliminate that whole search process and you like collapse the time and space between your present and future by having everything you actually need to lift you up and build you up and level you up. So that's kind of the gist, and so we do that through the different offers and the ways, the programs and experiences that we have at Woman Up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I love that you talked about the you know like things kind of like. Sometimes we think that they need to be hard or, you know, perhaps that's what we're used to. I can certainly relate to that one and needing to feel like everything has to be a struggle because I learned to be really scrappy and all of that, and I feel like the hustle culture. Whether you're an entrepreneur or you're just somebody who you know works a full-time job and wants to do well at it and has, you know, a household or whatever, I feel like there's more of a spotlight on that type of thing and sort of getting away from that. But I still do think that when it comes to something like play, it's not seen as something that's really necessary. It's more so like this frivolous notion.

Speaker 1:

In fact, I found this quote where the author says play is often low on our list of priorities. We're living in a world that's more conducive to anxiety than playfulness. In the never ending to-do list of adulthood, play can feel like a waste of time. We exhaust ourselves with tasks we should or have to do, but we really have time or energy for activities we want to do. From your perspective and what you do in your role? Why do you personally think that this is important to shift?

Speaker 2:

One like creativity and innovation and fulfillment don't come from checking things off on a to-do list, really Like that's helpful and nice, but it's like it's not the thing that feeds our soul or fuels us really to keep going.

Speaker 2:

It's not a fuel source, and so I really think also, I think we were somehow in this space where we think play and work are separate for some reason Like this is an activity that falls into the play category and this is an activity that falls into the work category, and I think for me they are not separate, they are the same and they feed each other. And it's not that I just play all the time. It's like I see my work actually as play, because I love it, because it fuels me, because it's joyful, because I've chosen to orient my life and build something that I actually love to do and is creative and is an outlet for me and feels expansive and enlivening for me every day. And so it's not like I'm playing or I'm working. It's like, oh, I'm playing in my work and it's really fun and fueling and fulfilling. And then when I have to go do the dishes and I hate doing them, like, okay, that's one lens of the experience where it's like, oh, I have to do this.

Speaker 2:

Or what I did last night is I was like, oh, there's a pile of dishes, cool, let me plug in my AirPods and put on the most fun playlist possible. And now I've transformed and alchemized this experience that anyone else in the world could do and be like, oh, my God, this sucks and it's boring and it's like I'm going to go into something that's actually joyful and fun. It's like do I mind washing dishes? No, but it's the energy Like. It's the energy I bring to it that is playful, that is joyful, that is regenerative, and that's what makes, that's what, like actually keeps us going as humans. You know like we need that. That's actually critical for our survival and for us to thrive. It's like we have to be enjoying things, we have to be in pleasure, we have to be honoring our joy.

Speaker 2:

Like. How do we get so far away from that? You know, like for me I don't know, I'm a bit dilulu. Like I live in an alternate reality from most people and that's what's created the ability for me to be an entrepreneur and to innovate and to do things differently. And same for you, right. Like it's like you have to live. You have to understand that as an entrepreneur, you live in a reality distortion. You're not a normal person, right, you're being brave and like taking risk and facing uncertainty every day and leading something and building something that didn't exist, and you're pulling money out of thin air somehow, I don't know. It's like you show up and you talk on Instagram and then your program's filled, okay, cool.

Speaker 2:

Like you send an email to your list and then it's like oh great, I sold that thing, awesome money, thank you. And then I get to do work that I actually love for that money. And this is not the normal paradigm of humaning. And I think we're also in a point in time where, like, the old way doesn't even work anymore. So, like, why are we pretending that that's the way we should be doing it when, like, actually it's just draining the life out of everyone and everything and like the whole planet actually, like we do need to invent a new way and step into a new paradigm that involves our fulfillment, instead of asking us to like sacrifice and compromise our joy and like delay our gratification for retirement, like when you're basically old and sick and can't enjoy anything, like what?

Speaker 2:

How is that the plan? How is that? Like a great life, you know, like live now. Your life is happening now, today. And I just think we forget we've become so disconnected as a society from the reality of, like, your life is a precious gift. We don't know how long it's gonna be, we don't know what's about to happen, and we can either treat that as a source of anxiety and fear or we can treat that as a gift. That's like what gets to happen now. It's full of possibility and it's ripe for opportunity, and I think that's. I don't even know if that answers your original question but it just it feels like that's.

Speaker 2:

it's such an important thing that we like link the two back up because we've separated. We live in this world of like siloing everything and making the categories and spreadsheets and stuff when it's like, well, actually work and play should be the same thing. That's how we create regenerative energetic systems that actually are sustainable.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, well and I think to your point, like there are things that we have in our lives that we have to do we have to do the dishes, we have to do laundry, I mean but the way in which we approach those things if we can, like you said, approach it with a spirit of playfulness, a spirit of French-kissing life, a spirit of gusto we always have that within our control of how we're going to respond to something. We may not always be in control of the things that we have to do in our lives, but I think that the way that we go into them is always within our control. And that's a relief really, because nobody can give that to you, nobody can take that away from you. It's always within you to bring that kind of a spirit to whatever it is that you're doing, Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I think I heard recently, it's like there are only a few things in life that are definitely like that are inevitable. Right, it's like pain, work and the unknown, so like that can sound kind of bleak or it can be like, well, we know that those things are inevitable. Therefore, if we can expect them, they don't throw us off course. We can actually approach them with like a welcoming, playful energy, very, very, very, very, very versus something that we try to like avoid or hide from or those are. That's being human. You know, we're not gonna sidestep that.

Speaker 2:

So, how do we bring joy to the equation instead of saving that for, like, the treat that happens after. Like no, integrate right. Like how do you overlay that experience? Like how do you have that approach and bring that approach to everything? Because you are the leader in your life, like you have way more influence on a situation than you think you do, even if it's just your own internal perspective shift of oh, I'm gonna make this fun no matter what, or I'm gonna make this joyful no matter what. Or like I prioritize my pleasure no matter what, or work gets to be fun no matter what, and like then I make decisions from that place, then I move from that place, then you know this and this happens and it's like a waterfall effect of positivity. Or you know joy or pleasure or play or fun or whatever. The goal is right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah well, death and taxes death and taxes are the other two, then we're never getting away from spurry everybody. I know the taxes.

Speaker 2:

I'm like, oh, and, by the way, like the things we can't avoid, though, are like we don't have to do dishes forever. We could delegate that, you know. Like maybe you have a kid who it's like, oh, I don't actually have to do that anymore, you could do that. Or you hire a housekeeper, or you have somebody come, you hire a laundry service or something. Then you don't do those things, and then you're like great, what do I wanna do with my time? But you have to be connected to your pleasure and what actually fills you and fuels you to even know. What the heck do you do with that extra time? Because, without knowing that, without the intention behind it, it's like it's just more time. Even money, right, it's like it's just more money. Money is value-less unless you apply it to something that adds value to your life. It's like you can have more time, you can have more of any resource, but all of it means nothing if it's not spent or invested intentionally.

Speaker 1:

So you talked about sort of being in touch with that playful side, and I think that one thing I found interesting in researching play was that there are different types of playful people, and I think that that could be a good place for people to start is to really identify how they how does that show up for them? If it doesn't at all, then sort of figuring out if you fit into one of these categories might be a good place to start. I'm gonna read these four and I wanna know, I'm curious, which one you are. Maybe you identify with all four, who knows? I wouldn't be surprised. So the first one is those who outwardly enjoy fooling around with friends, colleagues, relatives and acquaintances. The second one is those who are generally lighthearted and not preoccupied by the future consequences of their behavior. The third one is those who play with thoughts and ideas. And the fourth one is those who are whimsical, exhibiting interest in strange and unusual things, and are amused by small everyday observations.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God. Well, I would say like going backwards. I feel I'm definitely like amused by everyday, like little stuff, like I find things so funny. That was one of the best things about being in Portugal all together in our mastermind was like that group of women last year was just like you guys are so funny and fun and just like amused by so many things. It was like we played so much, like I feel like we just played the whole time and that's productive. Actually, it's like really good medicine and I think definitely like amused by everyday, like little moments, and then I love playing with thoughts and ideas. I feel like that's my whole job, really right.

Speaker 2:

And then I think outwardly enjoying fooling around. I think that's kind of similar for me. The one that I feel like probably ranks lowest for me is number two, but because I'm usually I'm like a little bit like I do care about future consequences, but usually I'm not gonna do anything too crazy in the moment. Yeah, yeah, gonna compromise my future or my well-being to play Like. I know some people who are like super intense and they're like oh my God, I have to be like adrenaline junkie and like risking death to feel playful or joyful or something. I'm not that, but I do you know. I'm like, well, it'll all work out. So maybe I am that too, just in a different way than I think about it for people.

Speaker 1:

I feel like I was very much number two when I was younger. I'm probably a little bit that way now, but I'm like you, I definitely like am aware of consequences and stuff. But like in school I was the kid that was the teacher would be like walk around that badminton net, don't jump over it, and I'm the kid that's jumping over it and falling on my face. And then the teacher's like this is exactly why I said don't do this.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, I think I would say number one is something that I like didn't do for a while and like it's really funny, because my one time I was talking to my therapist and I was describing a situation to her and I've been with her for a long time, so she knows me very well and she's very funny. She understands like my sense of humor, and I was telling her this story about like going to like a networking event or something and I said, yeah, you know, I just like I'm so introverted, like I just don't enjoy like like going up and talking to people or like small talk and stuff, and so I just kind of feel like I, you know, and that person that just like stands off to the side and she goes Shauna, I have to stop you. No, you are not.

Speaker 1:

And she's like you're lying to yourself what.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what story you are telling yourself, but she's like that is absolutely not you.

Speaker 1:

It was like oh yeah, I guess you're right.

Speaker 1:

So I feel like I had this stretch of time where I was very much, and I was for sure, going through a lot of stress for a while, but I was very much like not in touch with the you know, playful, fooling around person that I really truly am deep down. And I think that that happens a lot for people where they sort of like you know whether and I used to say there were certain friends that would bring that out in me. And then I started saying asking myself, well, why is it certain friends that are only the ones that like inspire that in you? Like, you just need to, you know, be that in the scenarios Like I'm obviously have the self-awareness I'm not gonna, you know, bring that energy to the wrong scenario, but you know it's like I don't need to be given permission either to, you know, like, tap into that. So I think for people that maybe have a hard time like tapping into that, you know it's like are you stopping yourself? Can you give yourself permission to just be more playful in these scenarios, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, and that's the thing too. It's like are we giving ourselves permission? Are we waiting for permission outside of ourselves in some way, in anything Like whether it's to be playful, to be, you know, to take a risk, to change your life in some way Like are we waiting for permission and then can we just write our own permission slip. It's like, actually, you get to be that right now if you want. Like you don't have to. I think we tell ourselves a story like, well, when this happens, then I can or then I will, but then I'll do this, and it's like, no, you won't. You become that now. That's an identity shift. You decide and then everything else follows suit. But, like you're, nothing externally is actually ever gonna change the internal thing until you decide that that's changing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. What are some tips that you might share for people who want to invite more play into their everyday lives? It could be things that you do for yourself or things that you've, you know, witnessed in others or helped women kind of shift to. But what are some things that you'd suggest, even as a starting point? Or you know things that they could do on a regular basis to kind of shift and start?

Speaker 2:

shifting that? Yeah well, I think the first one that's coming to mind is like, just add. Like notice where you could add joy. Like notice where you could add play. Like is it on your car ride? Is it like what are you already doing? Like don't make it too complicated on yourself and be like I need to make space for play. And like make it not playful.

Speaker 2:

Where can you just introduce it or infuse it into your life already, like my example with you know, putting on a fun playlist in your AirPods while you're doing the dishes. And now you're dancing. And now you're like dancing over to do the laundry. And then you're like last night I literally turned off all the lights and my husband had gone to bed already and I was like having like a full dance party in my house. And then I came in and I was like hello, I've completed my ritual. Now I'm ready to calm down, I'm going to bed, sure.

Speaker 2:

So I think it's like and then you know like, make a fun playlist, put it on, take it on your walk. Like, do something that just is joyful for you. I think also, it's like maybe it's your external environment, like are you expressing yourself? Do you feel like the clothes you wear, the outfit you put together, the office space that you're in, like, can you bring something into that space that, like, inspires you or that adds life or that adds joy for you in some way? These are things I feel like. These are things that are just so intuitive to me. I'm like what else do I do?

Speaker 1:

I couldn't even tell you.

Speaker 2:

Dance, parties, dance parties.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a great way to shift energy, like even for one song. You know, you just got out of a meeting where somebody pissed you off. Throw on a song, dance it out, like, shift your body, get that energy moving through you and come back to it Like a guarantee. You're going to feel you might still be angry or whatever at the situation, but you're going to feel that something has shifted.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, let it move. Yeah, exactly, shift the energy, alchemize the emotion through play, dance, joy, whatever. Yeah, yeah, I think it's also just like letting there be blank space in your life, you know, like actually having rules and boundaries around your time and energy so that it's not just going. I think a lot of women have the challenge of like no boundaries with other people, and that's not my biggest edge, but I know it's very common for people. So I think it's like also prioritizing your pleasure and making space for that, even if you're like this is just two hours of my time where I'm going to go do whatever the heck I feel like that day, and it doesn't have to be planned out, it can just be like what would feel really fun right now, and then you go do that because you have space to do it.

Speaker 2:

It's like it might depend on the weather, it might depend on how you're feeling, you know, just whatever. But give yourself space to actually go explore that and learn for yourself what is fun, what is playful for you, what does bring you joy, because it changes throughout our lives and throughout different seasons. Some things might stay the same, but other things might totally shift and you're like, yeah, I used to love that, not so much. Like you know, you start listening to a certain audio book and you're like, yeah, not today. Cool, Like what are we doing instead? Or, oh, I want to go to this flower shop, or there's a thing I wanted to go check out, or maybe there's an event happening. Or maybe it's like, oh great, I can go get a massage, or it doesn't have to be appointments, but it could be just gonna go take a walk and feel luxurious.

Speaker 2:

I personally like to take myself on dates where I'm like my husband doesn't like the same things that I like all the time and like not always, like a girlfriend isn't always available at the drop of a hat to go do something, or, like you know, I like to spend time with myself too. I like to date myself. I like to take myself out for like oysters and kombucha, and take a long walk with my dog if I feel like it, and go shop and just pop in and have my little spacious day. So take yourself on a date you know like plan a date that's actually amazing for you and give yourself that experience. Or go do something that you've never done before, like that challenges you, that scares you, that actually feels playful or joyful or fun, just cause you want to like. There are so many cool things you could do like a. Have you seen these like bungee fitness things? I don't know if it's like a thing everywhere or if it's just here in Charleston, but there's this like bungee fitness. It's so cool, it looks so fun.

Speaker 1:

We are like the last ones to get things here in the Midwest, I feel like so no, I have not seen that, but it sounds like a blast and it makes me think too, it's like crazy looking.

Speaker 1:

It makes me think too like a couple other tips for people too is like, what did you enjoy doing as a kid? Because there might be things within that that you still as an adult, would love. I mean, I loved riding my bike as a kid. I would love to do that. Now I don't make enough time to do it, but when I do I feel that child, you know, coming alive again and like, oh, this is why I love to doing this as a kid. You know, puzzles or coloring, like those are things that I loved doing as a kid. And I ask myself now I'm like, why don't I do those things? It's just like a, you know, a little like burst of not thinking.

Speaker 1:

The other thing that I wanted to say, when you were talking about having it kind of built into your schedule, I agree about sort of leaving some of that you know, flexibility and not making it something so rigid or like formal. But I do think and I remember you and I having this conversation that, like, for people that feel maybe a bit more spontaneous, like myself, I often would bulk at scheduling things in, like play. But there's this weird thing that happens when you like schedule these things in. It makes you feel like you have more freedom because you know that the things that are the things that you can't not do are taken care of somewhere else, and that you do have this free time to, like you know, just play or kind of give in to whatever you're feeling at the moment.

Speaker 2:

Yes, so important to just build it in and have the space for it. Even if you're like I don't even know what I'm gonna do at that time, that's okay, but it's there for you. And then you get to just be curious about yourself and tune in and ask like what would actually feel really fun today for me?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, and it's also so we do. We have been doing a game segment, which we're gonna do right now on this podcast, and it's like that's by design, it's not. I mean, of course, like I'm trying to do things that are entertaining for my audience and kind of feel through like what types of things everybody responds to, but it's also an opportunity for the guest and I to play with each other and laugh and be silly and dumb about certain things. So just like another example of like why you know that sort of thing is just so important to keep doing.

Speaker 1:

So we are gonna play a little game here We've talked about just tapping into play and our childlike selves, and I thought that it would be fun to like I'm gonna read the funny examples of what I wanna be when I grow up from kids, because these usually produce like the most epic answers, and so I'm gonna read some of these and I want you to tell me if you think that that was actually something a kid came up with or something I came up with.

Speaker 2:

Okay, are you ready? I'm just gonna set the tone and be like I might get all of these wrong, and that is also great.

Speaker 1:

That's exactly what happened when I had my Canadian friend Serena on.

Speaker 2:

She was terrible in that game.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So the first one says what do I want when I grow up? I wanna be a person who stays home and does nothing Probably a kid, correct?

Speaker 2:

Albert said that. Albert.

Speaker 1:

Albie. When I grow up, I wanna be a fireman, since I like explosions and fire.

Speaker 2:

Probably a kid. I mean, you probably could have correct, okay, okay.

Speaker 1:

Correct. Yeah, david, david said that. Okay. So the next one is when I grow up, I want to beat Super Mario Brothers.

Speaker 2:

I think you're three for three. Okay, wait now if I say that I'm going to just reverse it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so this next one, I feel like, is already in tune with the moon, which I love. When I grow up, I want to be a wolf.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I feel like maybe a kid came up with it, I don't know. That's pretty fun to be a wolf, elsie said that, elsie, we love you.

Speaker 1:

You are going to be a little soul sister someday. The next one is when I grow up. I want to be a vet until I'm 20 and then I will be an engineer. That is an Enneagram seven, right there.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, Now I'm like confused because I'm like wait, is that you trying to trick me or I don't know how many more are there? I need to know Five, five more. Okay, five. I want to be a vet and then, when I'm 20, I want to be an engineer.

Speaker 1:

You, Nope, okay, that was Brandon that said that. Damn it, brandon.

Speaker 2:

Brandon, he's just on street.

Speaker 1:

He's on top of things, so he've only missed one. That's pretty good, okay. So the next one is when I grow up, I want to win the lottery and eat pizza every day.

Speaker 2:

The kids know what the lottery is Like. I don't even know. I feel like you.

Speaker 1:

Maybe this is you, it is me. Okay, I would eat pizza every day if I could. Homemade pizza is my jam. It is literally the only thing that I'm good at cooking, so that was me. The next one is when I grow up, I'm going to work with rocks. A kid yes, that was Teddy Teddy. He also said I'm going to throw him in the water, so it creates a massive splash, which I feel like is. I mean, why wouldn't you?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, I have a story about this real quick, About kids with rocks. Do we have time? Can I share it with you? We do have time.

Speaker 1:

We always have time for stories here.

Speaker 2:

I thought so, but I thought I'd just ask to be sure.

Speaker 2:

So I was out to dinner the other night with my friend who lives on Johns Island where I live and her three year old daughter and her two year old son. And her three year old daughter, in the middle of dinner, just goes and finds this rock. It was like a door stopper for the place next door to where we were eating because we're sitting outside. And she just goes over and she's like oh, come see my rock, come see my rock. She's so excited about this rock and this is a crappy piece of rock that somebody is using as a doorstop for the place next door or a weight of some kind, I don't know.

Speaker 2:

So funny, she's so excited. She's like what's this rock doing here? What is this rock here? She's thinking it's so funny. And then she starts. She's trying to pick it up, but it's way too big and heavy for her. But it's not a huge rock but whatever. But she's tiny because she's three. So she starts pushing this rock. She pushes it all the way down the sidewalk to us and then she's like I need to put it on the golf cart, I need to take it home.

Speaker 1:

She fell in love with this rock. She's sitting on it.

Speaker 2:

She's like this is my rock, don't touch my rock, my rock, isn't it so cool? She's so happy and she's like will you help me pick it up and put it on the golf cart? So they took it home. And then my friend sends me a picture. She's like, yeah, she put it in the backyard, like by the pool. It's now part of our landscape. She's got this rock. She names them. She loves crystals, she names all of her rocks. I'm like, oh my God, she's going to be a geologist or something someday.

Speaker 1:

She's like a hard, like a landscaper or something.

Speaker 2:

It's so funny, she's like fell in love with a rock and she pushed it all the way down and she's like, she's like scooting along, she's like worked up a sweat. I was like, oh my God, this girl, her dedication, I was so impressed, but yeah that's hilarious, it was so cute.

Speaker 1:

That's another tip actually. I mean, I freaking love kids and I love old people. I don't know if kids are in my future someday, but I love being around them, and that's another thing to like. Inspire playful be around kids, holy cow. Okay, two more and then we'll do our rapid fire questions. So this one is when I grow up, I will grow bigger and bigger and then grow a beard. Menopause again.

Speaker 2:

You.

Speaker 1:

I wish I could claim that one. That was Victoria. Which is even funnier, it wasn't a boy, that's why I was playing menopause.

Speaker 2:

That's hilarious, oh my gosh. Well, I hope that either she does get that, if that's her dream, or not.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, the last one. When I grow up and I'm 100, ambitious already I will play UNO with my grandchildren, I will wear a sweater all the time, I will take naps every day and I will take my wife to Pizza Hut for dinner. Is this my child? That's what I want to know. Oh my god, do I have a child out there somewhere? Is this it?

Speaker 2:

Well, now I'm thrown for a loop because that's I'm like is this you actually? I think that's. That's pretty weird for a kid to say that. But like kids say the weirdest things, like they probably think this is great, this is what it means to be old. I'll go with a kid.

Speaker 1:

Correct. Yes, that was oh shoot, I didn't get the name on that one. We're going to say that was Mildred Billy. Billy. Billy, I feel like you scored really well. I think there was only two that you missed, so I didn't stump you. Winner. Well done, thank you. All right, let's get to our rapid fire questions before I let you go. Which Disney princess are you and why?

Speaker 2:

Probably Ariel, because Ariel, or no Pocahontas, maybe Pocahontas because I. That was like really the only Disney movie I really watched as a kid and I feel like all of the songs are like this earth protectress and I just I love them. And I also played that Colors of the Wind for my first and only piano recital because that did not stick for me, but I loved it.

Speaker 1:

Well, funny story. I too played Colors of the Wind. You know I'm a accomplished saxophone player and by accomplished I haven't picked it up in about 20 years. I had my moment the like lead saxophone player couldn't play, or something I can't remember. It was my moment. I had the solo and I botched it and it was so horrible. I like rushed through it and my band teachers' eyes are like slow down, slow down. And then he had to just sort of get everybody on track and it was not how I thought it was going to go in my mind.

Speaker 2:

I was trying to do this with the amount of pressure and the energy in my body is just moving too fast. For the lyrics, for the notes, the tempo of the song.

Speaker 1:

The nerves really got me on that one and I was just like never again will I have. Actually, I'm going to have the saxophone opportunity again that we talked about in one of my other episodes, so maybe I'll redeem myself someday, you should. That would be so fun you should make it a podcast episode, so everyone can witness it and if you do have that recording, make them aware we can, you know.

Speaker 2:

I hope that it's recorded somewhere on video like VHS and then you can do a nice before and after, like side by side. My how I've grown. I think those solo things on stage in school like I don't know exactly how old you were when this happened, but those were so terrifying. Like you can't see anything. There's a spotlight. You're just like blind, looking out into dark or bright light or darkness, and you're just like I blacked out. I blacked out every time I had to do sing a solo or step on, like step off of the bleacher into the light and up to the mic. It's like my God, everything in your body is just like no don't do this.

Speaker 1:

My friends used to my friends used to think like they'd be like God. You're like so calm and I'm like you have no idea what's going on in inside my body right now. Uh-uh, like I am not. I might look like I'm calm, but I am anything but calm. I just paralyzed in fear.

Speaker 2:

So I look calm, but other than that, inside it's a mess. I remember that feeling. And nothing it'd be like nothing you could do, like it didn't matter how many times you really practice. It was just like that moment where you step up to the mic and you're like this is so scary no matter how many times I've done this like it's just scary, this is brave to do it, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, it was good practice for us later in life, but, my God, it was not good. Um, I feel like this is this is like appropriate for you. If you owned a boat on your island, what would you name it? Obviously, woman up.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's a good one, and then it would be a ride off as well. This would be a marketing vehicle tool. And I also, ps, have just thought about this. Like I filled out the paperwork to get a vanity plate for my license plate that says woman up, and I'm very excited. Ooh, I mean, I named my boat and my car that it's the perfect name that sort of encapsulates all of it.

Speaker 1:

I like it. Um, what is the song that, when it comes on, you immediately want to get up and dance, preferably on a table or, in your case, on a wall?

Speaker 2:

Oh, twerk on a wall Many things. Let's see what, what. What song did I twerk on a wall to? Was it the little mermaid Like that? Just doesn't even add up in my brain now, but in the moment it made sense.

Speaker 1:

I feel like it was a Disney song of some sort, but I cannot recall which one.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Um.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what's that song? Can you even name just one? Mine is pour some sugar on me by deaf leopard. Okay, it makes me want to dance like a convicted hooker that just got out of the jam.

Speaker 2:

Oh God, I don't know. I've been listening to so many things that aren't that vibe lately. I'm like I don't know, defying gravity from wicked, like that's what's on my mind right now, but that's not. That can't be the song I mean. That doesn't feel like the song.

Speaker 1:

Is there any banger that you maybe a Miley Cyrus banger or Taylor Swift banger?

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, oh my God, how about Miley, mother's daughter you?

Speaker 1:

know that song, mm-hmm, that's a good one.

Speaker 2:

That's enough to twerk on a wall for real Perfect.

Speaker 1:

Perfect If you were a drink. What would you be? And why? Alcohol or otherwise? These are hard.

Speaker 2:

You know like it's hard for me to choose these things.

Speaker 1:

It's not the day to just think of hard questions, for you, God, give me an easier one.

Speaker 2:

Talk to me about playfulness, not choosing songs and drinks. I literally am the worst, Like you know. I think you may have seen this, but Jeff makes fun of me, my husband, about, like when we go out to dinner I'm like I have so many questions. I really just like can't make a decision about this menu. It's like a, it's an ailment for me, it plagues me so.

Speaker 1:

My toxic trait is I can never think of a place to go. If somebody is like, hey, where do you want to go to lunch, I'm like my brain, just I, it's blank, it's literally blank. I cannot think of one at all.

Speaker 2:

Well, we can come back to that one, if you want. Well, hold on, let me just, I don't just have to do it.

Speaker 1:

I feel like I'll regret it.

Speaker 2:

I know I was going to say like probably kombucha, because it's effervescent and healthy ish and creates a better gut microbiome. I suppose I don't know. It's like good for you, but also feels fancy when you put it in a wine glass. I like that answer and maybe is also a little intimidating to some people, like who knows, not everybody likes it. That's fine with me. I'd rather be disliked for what I am than liked for something I'm not you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there you go, that works All right. Name a celebrity you had a crush on when you were growing up Leo, you know.

Speaker 2:

Caprio Of course.

Speaker 1:

Titanic In Titanic, what, what a fox, a dream boat, and the man doesn't keep like he.

Speaker 2:

There have only been a few movies recently where I'm like, oh, he's like not aging well, but I think that was like part of the role. Other than that I'm like, wow, this man like for so long, like almost my whole life now I'm like this man does not age, Like he just keeps getting better. This is weird. But then I've seen a couple of movies recently with him I can't remember which ones the whatever of the flower moon, what's that called Something? Killers of the flower moon, and he was like. He like gained some weight for these roles and was like, not the like hot guy it was. So he looked a little different, but him as like everything in 90s to 2000s, like the man boat.

Speaker 1:

Even.

Speaker 2:

Wolf of Wall Street, like I didn't even really love that look or that. You know it's not an attractive role to play really for the most part, but I'll take it.

Speaker 1:

Yep, if you could teleport to anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?

Speaker 2:

Honestly, probably Costa Rica, because one of my woman up members is there right now in Santatrisa, which is my favorite place in Costa Rica, and I'm like, oh my God, I wish I could teleport there right now. I want to go to all the places and watch sunset and sunrise on the beach with everybody and see the like stray dogs and just chill and be warm.

Speaker 1:

And it's the best. Yeah, I love that. What's the strangest thing that you're afraid of? And why was it those crabs that we saw in Portugal? Remember those giant crabs? Hey, where was that? You and I were the only two that wouldn't get in the actual ocean because there was a strong current there. Oh yeah, it was deep. We're like, yeah, no, we're going to pass on this one Not warm, very cold Like really cold.

Speaker 1:

And then we saw those giant crabs and I was like, yeah, there's no way in hell I'm getting in this water after seeing these giant crabs.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean, I know that they're probably not like swimming, Like they don't swim, but do they? No, I don't even know.

Speaker 1:

We couldn't confirm it. I feel like they crawl.

Speaker 2:

They must be on, like the ground of the ocean. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I don't know.

Speaker 2:

That was there were so many. That was the scariest part was there were infinite. Like there were just more, and the more you saw, the more you saw. They just kept like multiplying, yeah, and they were scary looking. They weren't like cute Like you imagine. Sometimes, maybe, when you think of like, oh crap, like those are the ones that are already dead and not in the wild, that are on your plate. Not very intimidating, but, god, that was scary. I was like there's no way this thing's going to claw my foot and I'm not going to be able to swim. Yeah, no, I liked our little spot that we found, though after that, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

It was a French kiss or French fry.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, both At the same time. At the same time, yes.

Speaker 1:

One of my other guests said that she's like both, preferably at the same time, and I was like you are so naughty, how do you even do that, but like you might choke and die, well, it's maybe worth it. We're all about the spice.

Speaker 2:

Honestly, at this phase in my life I feel like it's French fry.

Speaker 1:

Let's be right, I don't know, I would say 80% of the people 80% say French fry, so you are in the majority there.

Speaker 2:

Especially if it's like a really good one or like a sweet potato fry like all day, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

If you could do anything right in this moment that would make you feel free, what would you do?

Speaker 2:

I don't know. The first thing that came to mind is like something I did last night before getting into bed. I was like I'm flashing you. I took off all my clothes. I was running around the bedroom naked, just being like flashed again, flash, we're going streaking.

Speaker 1:

I don't know why Everybody's doing it.

Speaker 2:

I was just streaking in my house, in my bedroom to my husband. I thought it was really funny, so I guess that's it.

Speaker 1:

I love that answer so much it's the best one so far.

Speaker 2:

She works on halls.

Speaker 1:

She works on halls.

Speaker 2:

And also she's in the comfort of our home.

Speaker 1:

Now, everybody knows this is why the skinny dipping moment happened. I had a group of women around me that were cheering me on Uninhibited.

Speaker 2:

In all the ways Uninhibited.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, this is great. Okay, my last question that I ask everybody what does French kissing life mean to you?

Speaker 2:

I think it means like going all in on what you want to build in your life, how you want to feel, and just being willing to bet on yourself, to trust yourself that you've got you, no matter what, to dive all in to thinking of this phrase two cheeks in like your full ass, that's what.

Speaker 2:

I think, of totally like your full commitment to living full out and building a life and a business that you don't even want a vacation from because it's so good. It actually just like fuels you every single day. That like vacation is the cherry on top, but it's not a necessity, because, like you feel like you're on vacation every day, because you're just playing and doing what you love. That's for me what it feels like.

Speaker 1:

Amazing. If anybody is in search of that feeling and is like looking at doing a business, or has a business and wants your help, how can they reach out to you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you can come find me on Instagram at womanupwmnup or at Emily Castle official, which I'm sure will be in the show notes so I don't have to spell it for you. Or come to womanupco and check out all the things we do, and you can find Shauna inside the community with us too. Yes, we're having a ball Incomplay.

Speaker 1:

Maybe we're far from people we might be Well, who knows what's happening.

Speaker 1:

I hope that after this hour, which we always seem to go over because we have so much fun, I hope that your day is now better, that we've played for a little bit. We've talked about play, played a game, we stumped you. Hopefully you can go into the rest of your hump day better than when we started. Thank you so much for being here, emily. You are always game for whatever, and that's what I love about you, and I'm just so happy that you could come on the pod with me. Thank, you.

Speaker 1:

This was so fun. Well, we started this episode with very wacky energy and by the end we were cruising toward truly unhinged behavior. I cannot tell you how much I love these conversations, and guess what? We're just getting started. So this is episode 11, which is a fun milestone, because I only need to publish 21 episodes for my show to be in the top 1% of podcasts around the world. So I'm halfway there and you better believe I'm nowhere near ready to stop playing. I'm having way too much fun with this.

Speaker 1:

Of course, today's kindness and action segment is talking all about play, so here are some actions you can take, whether you have 5 minutes or 50. If you have 5 minutes, I'm suggesting you read an article on how to be more playful as an adult. If you have 50 minutes, I'm suggesting you find your play personality through the National Institute of Play. So take the play style quiz and discover how you can use that to infuse play into your everyday life. If you are a business owner and want to dig into Emily's work, check out her website she's got some great resources that you may find helpful in your journey or contact her directly to learn more about her work. I will leave all of her contact details in the show notes, as well as the resources that I'm suggesting here. As a reminder, there's still time to get in on our monthly giveaway. We are giving away the minimalist swimsuit which is gorgeous gifted to us by our friends at Laundre To be entered into February's drawing.

Speaker 1:

All you gotta do is leave a rating and review. As another reminder, please leave your email address or Instagram handle so I know who you are. If you've left a review before, you can leave one again. If you want to leave nothing but emojis, I'm all for it. Follow the show to be sure that you don't miss a new episode and, while you're at it, pass this on to your friends who want to French kiss life alongside you. Friends, don't let friends play alone. Thank you so much for all of your support and for tuning in. We'll see you next time for another fun, playful, inspiring and joyful episode of French Kissing Life.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the French Kissing Life podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. If you're enjoying the show, shower us with a five star rating and hit that subscribe button to make sure you never miss a future episode. And if you would be so kind and give the show a review, I'll sweeten the deal for you. Since you know I live for good conversation, I want to hear from you. Share your favorite takeaways, an aha moment you had or a fun emoji that represents this week's show, along with your Instagram handle or email address, and you'll be entered to win this month's giveaway. The French Kissing Life movement is gaining momentum, and your ratings and reviews play a pivotal role in propelling the show to new heights. Until next week, mwah.