French Kissing Life

Ep 24: Moving ‘Forward’ on a Journey of Healing with Becca Post

• Shawnna Stiver • Episode 24

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Ever wondered how embracing your sensitivity could be your greatest strength? Join me as I recount my transformation from a shy, anxious child to a confident adult through introspection and therapy. Along with our guest, Becca Post we unravel the complexities of being a highly sensitive person (HSP) and an empath, and how these traits can be harnessed to foster self-acceptance and healing. Discover how Becca’s innovative fusion of clinical psychotherapy with holistic and spiritual practices offers a fresh perspective on the journey toward personal growth.

Becca is a Clinical Social Worker, Mental Health Therapist, and Coach for wholeness seekers, trapped achievers, karmic breakers, family shakers, and emotional feelers. She combines psychotherapy training with holistic tools and spiritual practices in her Forward Model of Change®. At Forward Healing, she offers modern tools and personalized models for Therapy and After Therapy®. Believing in a preventative approach, Becca helps you shift patterns and move forward, embracing wholeness beyond a diagnosis.

Topics covered:

  • Overcoming nervousness, shyness, and introspection through therapy and self-awareness.
  •  Importance of nurturing different parts of oneself.
  • Becca's Forward Healing model, that integrates clinical psychotherapy with holistic tools and spiritual practices.
  • How healing models are evolving beyond traditional methods.
  • Tips for regulating the nervous system.
  • Advice on how to begin your healing journey.

Here are some actions you can take whether you have 5 minutes or 50:

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Until next time, muah!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to French Kissing Life. I'm your host, shauna Stiver, and I am thrilled to help you discover what makes your heart race, your soul dance and your spirit soar. Every week you'll get a fun dose of inspiration, laughter and a sprinkle of magic as we explore stories, insights and conversations that empower you to ignite the spark within, in a world that demands you be anything but yourself. This is your permission slip to be a little more you. Together, let's shed the shoulds, embrace our unique brilliance and welcome more joy. Are you ready to French kiss life? Welcome back to another episode of French Kissing Life. I am your host, shawna Stiver. Welcome back to another episode of French Kissing Life. I am your host, shauna Stiver.

Speaker 1:

I'm actually going to let you in on a little tidbit about myself that you might find surprising. I actually used to be a very nervous person. In fact, there are definitely situations where I would generally say my default mode is nervous, and when I was little, I was shy, quiet and very reserved in most situations. Through a lot of introspection and quite a bit of therapy throughout my adolescence and as an adult, I learned that I am a highly sensitive person. Hsp yeah, you know me. Hsp yeah, you know me, and I'm also an empath, which means I feel things very deeply. It's not hard for me to pick up on energy easily, and if I'm not careful I can take on the emotions of others, which really wipes me out, even with something like this podcast, where I'm very outgoing and engaging. The truth is that I don't feel like that every second of every day, and the only reason I point these things out is that it took me a long time to learn about myself and really get comfortable being seen and to see that my sensitivity is my superpower. I would often feel like there was something wrong with that little girl who felt nervous in a lot of situations, and in reality, I just needed to nurture those different parts of myself which, by the way, the journey is still ongoing to this day, and I don't think it's ever one that stops really.

Speaker 1:

So in last week's episode, we talked a little bit about how community and accountability groups can help with something like taking what you've learned in therapy and implementing it into your day-to-day lives. Well, today's guest is taking that idea even further, and I think you're going to find our conversation beyond informative. Forward movement requires modern ways of thinking, which is why Becca Post combined her clinical training and psychotherapy models with holistic tools and spiritual practices to create her forward model of change, with a commitment to show up in her humanness so that you can too. Becca offers you permission to shift your patterns and propel yourself forward. She's a clinical social worker, mental health therapist and coach for wholeness seekers, trapped achievers, karmic breakers, family shakers and emotional feelers, and she's the founder of Forward Healing Co, where they offer modern tools and personalized models for therapy and after therapy, because they believe in a preventative approach to healing, which means wholeness doesn't come from a diagnosis.

Speaker 1:

So in this episode we get into the weeds, including talking through what the old model of therapy is and the ways that her company differs. How Becca thinks healing in general is shifting differs how Becca thinks healing in general is shifting, tips for regulating nervous system and if access is a barrier for you, where you can start on your own healing journey. This is an episode that is wildly practical and full of great insight, which I'm so excited to share because I think it's information that everyone literally everyone even if you don't think that you need therapy, I think that you'll find some of this information useful. So please enjoy this in-depth look at a new way to view therapy with my guest, becca Post. Hi, becca, thank you so much for being on French Kissing Life with me today. I'm so excited to chat. This is a topic that I am like endlessly curious about, so I'm really excited to get your perspective on all things therapy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. I think this is going to be so useful and helpful for those who either are already on a healing journey, those who may be considering a healing journey. But I'd love to start out with really just tell me who you are, your story and sort of how you got into doing this kind of work.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, um, I was one of those kids that started therapy like 10 years old Because they were just like super anxious and their parents didn't know what to do with them. Um, but their parents didn't want to go to therapy and so I was basically in and out of therapy starting, yeah, around 10, which would have been like fourth grade. Yeah, um, and every therapist that I had specifically was like you, you're going to be a therapist when you grow up. And I was like, yeah, absolutely not. I literally told all of them that I was like that's never happening. Um, I do not want to do this.

Speaker 2:

Oh, sometimes people have more foresight than you do, than you do, and so I actually like kind of went in to my undergrad thinking like I went to a school where I could kind of just like try a bunch of stuff and like not make a commitment right away because I really didn't know what I wanted to do. I took a ton of classes on like the most random things and really hated all of it, um, except for any classes focused on people and cultures and like structures and systems and the way that we understand ourselves, and I ended up actually my um undergrad is actually in business psychology with, um, a counseling minor and a dance minor, but that was just more for fun a counseling minor and a dance minor, but that was just more for fun. And so I then decided I was going to like do research or go into the business end of psychology and I would go to grad school for that, and so that was kind of like the path I was on. I was like really driven that way and then I kind of like kaboomed my life. I ended a seven year relationship.

Speaker 2:

Right Like four months before I graduated from undergrad my parents moved across the country. I decided I wasn't gonna apply to school right away and I fell really heavily into my own eating disorder at that time and I had always kind of like had eating disorder behaviors and essentially was like I need help, like I need a lot of help, I need to figure out a lot of things, um, and so I decided to move to Utah, which is currently where I still live, um with my family because they moved here first. Otherwise I don't think I would have ended up here um, and did like two really heavy years of VMDR, trauma therapy, eating disorder recovery work and like just kind of like getting my stuff together and I was like I guess I'm gonna go to school for social work.

Speaker 1:

Was that? What did the experience sort of influence that decision then?

Speaker 2:

I think it just gave me more clarity. I got a job in corporate America, and I think it just gave me more clarity. I got a job in corporate America, um, and really just like I was really good at it. I'll be honest, I was like really really good at it. And and they were like, how do we keep you? Um, and I was like I'm miserable, like I hate this, but I'm really good at it, and it was this really strange duality of like being highlighted for being good at it and then being, um, realizing I wasn't happy, uh, and so I was like I'll just go to grad school for social work and like, if I hate social work, I'll do this.

Speaker 2:

And I had every intention actually to do medical social work because I still wanted that kind of like corporate, busy feel. And then I ended up doing a um internship, um, internship with the with, like a women's center here, and it was an entirely clinical practicum, um, and I was just really good at it, to be honest, um, and then, after I did end up going back into medical social work for a bit, and then I had always continued to doing uh, practicing therapy on the side, um, and then moved full-time into it at, actually at the start of the pandemic Cause I was like I want freedom, I want these things and I want to do it my way. And so once I was licensed, I was like I'm going to open my own private practice, um, and that's kind of where things started to fall into place, where I was like oh, I don't, I don't have to do this the same way as everybody else.

Speaker 1:

How did you figure out what that path was going to be for you? So you knew that you wanted to do your own thing and you sort of evolve into this modality that you created. But how did you start out thinking this is what I want to do and kind of move in that direction?

Speaker 2:

I honestly, the pandemic for me was super helpful because I was like I honestly, the pandemic for me was super helpful because I was like hermit it away right From like all these opinions and all these thoughts and I just started working really intuitively with my clients.

Speaker 2:

Um, I had always had a clientele that was either even when I first started. That was either other therapists, people who had been in therapy for extended periods of time, or people who were just at this, these stages, where they were like I know my shit, I know how I keep ending up here, I know what my cycle is, and yet I can't get to the other side, I can't get forward. And so a lot of the way that I've built our forward model for change, or the way that I practice and the way that I train my therapists that now work with me to practice is is through that experience of just working consistently with clients who are like I get it, I'm here, I'm here again, I'm here over and over again, and I still can't get to point like F on my goal list.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, okay. So tell me sort of how your approach differs from the old models, because I know that that's a big part of of your business and what you do with clients now. So help me understand sort of. I have done quite a bit of my own therapy, so I understand a lot of what you're talking about. But for those who maybe are pretty new, tell me sort of about the old therapy and then what you're evolving it into.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so the old model of therapy that we call it at Forward Healing, which is the business I own. I probably should have said that from the beginning. Sorry, I'm really bad at marketing myself and for anybody listening like I'm extra, really bad at marketing myself. If you ever work with me, it's like everything is through people who I've already met. It's just like very much in my nature. But the way that I started talking about healing, which is kind of more of the shift I take with people, like we have mental health, which falls in this like medical model, as I view it right, like we use insurance codes, we have diagnostic codes, we take what you have as symptoms and then the answer is treated the same way as if you broke your knee, which is like we reduce the symptoms, we fix the problem and then you should go on your way and live your life.

Speaker 2:

And as someone again who's been in therapy for 10 years or started at 10 years old, sorry, I, it never happened for me, like it was not. There was never a point in my therapy journey where I was like I'm fixed, I'm me, like it was not. There was never a point in my therapy journey where I was like I'm fixed, I'm better. This is all. My symptoms are gone, right. Like they would come back. I would be in the same position again. I would have the same behaviors. I would be like I'm supposed to be better and yet I'm still here. And then, when I got into the field and I started seeing that happen, I was like, oh, there's something about this system where we tell people that their symptoms, or that they should be better, is actually bringing them back in, right. The moment your symptoms come back, you're like, oh my God, there's something wrong again and I have to be fixed. And so the way that I started approaching like therapy with my clients was in this way. That was like, yeah, we're not here to fix anything, not here to like necessarily change anything. I'm here to like shine a light on all the things you already know about yourself and the patterns that you're already seeing and help you be able to recognize them faster than you did before. But, like you've done these things for decades of your life. They're not just gonna go away. That's not how your brain works. It's not how your body works. Your body has to learn to undo all these things. And like, if I tell you, in 12 sessions, you're going to be better. You're gonna hate me, and so the way that I started approaching with my clients was like we're going to move out of this idea that you have a mental health issue and we're going to move into, like, the system of like.

Speaker 2:

How are you healing what needs to be healed in your environment, whether that's your relationship with your family? Do we need to set boundaries? Do you need medication? That's a form of healing, like everything we're doing is about healing and you're going to heal from things multiple times which is then how I started introducing coaching actually into my practice was I started to see a need. After we would get people really stable and understanding and do these things. They would get to this place where they're like okay, cool, I don't necessarily need you, but now I want you in my life. I want the support. I don't need the support anymore. I want the support. I don't need the support anymore. I want it.

Speaker 2:

And so I decided, when I started my business and then I brought on my first employee, I hired a business coach and she was like you actually have like a whole model that you work from, and she was the one who saw it. I was kind of like I don't know what I do. I was just like whatever I do works and like I don't. I get clients and clients come and they stay and like it's great, it works. And she was the one who was like no, like you're reframing this. She really pushed me out of this. This bracket of like you don't know. You do know what you're doing, you just don't feel like you're the expert at it, so you shouldn't have a model. And so I.

Speaker 2:

It kind of just became this whole thing over the last 23 years where I'm like okay, this is, this is a new way of viewing how mental health could work. There's a lot of shifts in the mental health world, like social media has really changed how people find therapists, how they want you to interact. Like you go to grad school and they're like you need to be a blank slate. And you go to market yourself and they're like I want to know everything about you before I hire you as my therapist. And you're like well, that goes against everything I was taught. You're not supposed to know me as a person. And then, when we started to act, when I started to research, like how other countries do healing work, in other countries, you get a therapist and you get a life coach, because they actually can work hand in hand. They just don't here in America.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so interesting to me. So it's almost kind of like you the the healing happens and then, like this is also helping you to integrate back into your life outside of the session and operating from that place of like okay, you know, there's various things that happen to us that can trigger us, but, like, the mark of the healing is that you're responding differently when those things come up and not that it never happens again, right that like you're not getting rid of it entirely.

Speaker 1:

So how does something like rewiring the brain, so something like EMDR? How does that factor into this model that you have? Is that part of one of your treatments or because it was always my understanding that, like you do certain things to rewire the brain so that you respond differently to those things? Is that part of this whole?

Speaker 2:

equation then, yeah, so we essentially take someone through the experience um, where we like say they're starting for the first time, like they've never done any sort of awareness work or building of skills or they have no idea what's going on, they just know that something needs to change. We call that like their starting point. And then we take them through a phase where we call I call it developing awareness like the entire first couple months of therapy. I wish I could tell you it was like two sessions, but sometimes it's, sometimes it's three sessions, sometimes it's a year is all around developing an awareness of of what do I do, how do I do it?

Speaker 2:

Why am I doing it? What are the things that I've learned? What are the things like? You're just kind of like breaking it all apart. There's always that analogy of like you're throwing all the puzzle pieces on the wall and that scene, like right, and you're literally just looking at the like questions and like you're trying to hold curiosity for them. And then we move you into like pattern recognition, like okay, I know that when I'm like upset, I tend to overeat okay, where did that come from? Why do you do that? And then, like what does it feel like when you do it? How do we acknowledge that that's happening? And then how do we pause after it's happened to reflect on what you could have done differently?

Speaker 2:

And that is usually where I would like bring in some sort of trauma model as well. Right, because like emdr or like internal family systems or different types of like, like cognitive processing therapy, where we're looking at like okay, I see the pattern and now I need to understand the root, to feel like I have choice in the pattern. I always think of EMDR or those types of specific models where we're trying to get you to see the root of the cause, so that then you have power in the choice. And then, after you kind of have those things moving, we shift you into what we call after therapy, which is essentially because, like, at that point you're usually don't have symptoms, you don't have a lot of things happening, and so we move you into what we call like the processing change phase, which is like, okay, what do I do now with my life? Like, I now know all these things, I now have all this things, I now have all this information. What does that look like? How do I process that in my day to day life as it shows up? And a lot of that is came from the idea, especially when, I mean, I've done, I did years of EMDR therapy and I struggled so much with having to contain, like between sessions to sessions, because it was like, okay, I now have all this like crazy information that I didn't know about myself before and you want me to just like go through my life Like, like nothing's different but everything is different.

Speaker 2:

And so the, when we throw in the coaching, it brings on this like direct support, where you have someone you can reach out to them, they like you can contact them in between sessions, you can keep processing to keep things moving and then we get you to the place where you are actually integrating it. And I do want to preface which I think eventually we'll like someone will listen to one of these podcasts and go off about on me, I'm sure about it at some point. But, like, none of this works if you don't trust yourself first. So, like the biggest thing we work on with our clients is like you have to trust yourself above everyone else in order for healing to integrate, because if you don't, no matter what you learn or what you find out, those are the root cause. You're not going to believe it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think you also have to be like really ready to confront certain things, especially if it's very traumatic things. You know that, that you've gone through I have I've told people before about. You know that I credit a lot of things for me, uh, when I started doing EMDR and but the thing is, is that, like I have always described it as you're kind of like putting yourself back in the ring, you have to almost relive those moments in order to kind of, you know, move them through. And so you know, depending on the level of pain or trauma that you've experienced, like I think you have to be prepared to sort of go through that again. And if you're not, then you know maybe that's like not the, that's not the tactic or whatever to try but sort of knowing that like the only way out is, through and through, is probably going to be enduring pain again in order to get everything where it should go.

Speaker 2:

For you 1000%. And what's really hard is that you have to think to as like someone who's who's thinking about starting a healing journey. You're going to research it because we have the, we have research at our fingertips. We just Google everything. Now people just use TikTok for everything, and I don't necessarily think that's an answer either, but you get information and I can say, like one of the things that's been really fascinating is how much people think if I do this model of therapy or you have this experience in therapy, it's going to change everything for me.

Speaker 2:

And the reason you we can't dive into things so fast in any sort of healing modality is because you have to have a foundation to be able to fall back on when you have to relive it or you have to come through it or you have to make the really big life change. Like I don't, there isn't a way to not do that and it makes it really. People hate that answer Like, yeah, they hate it Because it's like I can't fix you really quickly and there is no fixing this. Like and if and if you're looking for someone to do that, then I'm not the person for you, because it's not my belief about the way that we heal.

Speaker 1:

The other thing that I really bristle over is the. You know well, you just need to get over that. That one drives me nuts too, because it's like that, again, isn't how our brains operate. We aren't choosing to stay. I mean, some people maybe are, but, like for the most part, if a person's serious about a healing journey and they're actually, you know, taking the steps they're not wishing that, they could just like stay in the thing and let it bother them forever. That's just not how our brains work.

Speaker 2:

No, and your nervous system, like on top of your brain, your nervous system, takes so long to unwire and just because you know something doesn't mean it changes the pattern or it shifts the way you view the world or you do something. I mean from my personal experience, like when I was doing EMDR therapy, I was like that client who had the memory experience of something that they had blocked out for decades of their life, like I had no recollection of it and when I recalled it it like knocked me. It knocked me like I couldn't drive myself anywhere, I couldn't be alone, I couldn't do, I could not function. And that was because I was unprepared, right, because what I learned about myself I was not expecting and what I learned. And then, on top of that, what I was learning about myself I was not expecting and what I learned. And then, on top of that, what I was learning about myself and my experience and my background and what I had blocked out wasn't, was being continued to be pushed without ever asking me if I believed that it was true for myself, like whether or not I trusted what I was learning.

Speaker 2:

And I didn't right, because at my root core, a big part of my personal issues was I didn't. I didn't trust myself, and the way that that therapist then wanted me to heal, or believed that I would heal, was through sharing it and telling people about what my experience was. And I had to sit there and be like but nobody in my life is going to be able to give me the response that I need. Right, who were the response that I needed at that time? If I had chosen to tell someone like they're not going to be capable of holding me, therefore, it's only going to re-traumatize me. Yeah, yes, and so a big part of it is like the the trust for the client, the empowerment for the client, and then the ability to choose right, like what do I believe is right for me in that moment, because that changed the entire trajectory of me. Healing was me being like actually you're not the person I should work with.

Speaker 1:

If that's how you think this is going to end and I did fire that therapist, that's such a key point because I had one one time laugh at me and I was like I'm pretty sure in your like handbook that would be like one of the things that you would never, ever do for somebody is. They just got through saying something really hard and then you like giggled. I also had a woman that I absolutely loved. I mean, I did talk therapy with her for years and years and for the longest time I would say like I'm going to invite her to my wedding. I love her that much, but we weren't getting under the root of anything.

Speaker 1:

We would talk about something and then you know it's pretty similar to what you're saying here it was like, you know, I think of it in like like a weed, like we would trim it, you know we'd go straight across and it would feel better for a little bit, but we weren't like going underneath and getting the root out. And, um, it wasn't until, you know, I started working with, uh, my therapist that I have now, where we were actually, like you know, digging deep and and kind of looking at those patterns and and figuring all of that out, and so cannot stress enough that, like finding that right fit, um, feeling like. You know, not only you can trust yourself, but you can trust the safety of of you and the. You know the the professional is so key.

Speaker 2:

And I think you're hitting on a good point too, right, like, and I've I've mentioned like throughout as we've been talking, which is like I've had multiple therapists. Like I've had therapists I've fired. I've had therapists that have graduated me. I've had multiple therapists and, to be honest, each one served a purpose because it was really about what I could tolerate at the time, right, and people come in and they're like I want to dive this or I feel like I didn't get to this, and it's like, also, were you ready? Because sometimes I have clients who come in and they're like I want to do this and I'm like you're not ready to do that, like you think you're ready to do that.

Speaker 2:

And and I'm like more blunt than anything, than the average person, because, like I definitely hold from a very like nurturing place, but I nudge, like there's a lot of nudging, which is like are you ready to tolerate what that means about what you have to think about your life or the reframes you have to do?

Speaker 2:

Or like I live in Utah and so, like, a lot of what I do is big faith transitions with people now, and that was never, that was never on my radar or something I would be working with, and a lot of that comes down to like yeah, you, you are ready for this and we're ready to explore it, but that doesn't mean you have to tell everybody about it right now. That doesn't mean you have to like do these big things or join these groups. It just means, like we have to really assess like, where are you in your capacity to take this on? Are you in a big, are you in a big life transition? Because I'm not going to do trauma work with you. If you are, are you getting divorced? Are you getting married?

Speaker 1:

Are you getting married? Are you moving? Are you starting a new job? Your foundation isn't there. I can't, we can't touch certain things. Yeah, yeah, I think it's like there's something to be said for like the, the, the timing, and like the capacity to only be able to change. You know, like if you're already going through this, like massive upheaval or transformation, like your nervous system and everything isn't going to be able to hold any more than that. You mentioned that your approach sort of addresses that healing is changing. What specifically have you noticed is changing, or can you share more about what you mean by that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think we're no longer searching for quick fixes. We are in it for the long haul and I definitely this is definitely very generational.

Speaker 2:

I think millennials are very aware. They're very self aware compared to previous generations. They want to change patterns, they want to shake things up. And then now you have Gen Z, who's the first generation to grow up with technology at their fingertips, who actually look. The way that they just like take in information is super different, right? So you have one generation that is kind of just like in it, like I can't tell you how many clients I have that are like I come to therapy because, like, I need this check-in for myself, like I don't need to. I don't really necessarily like need anything, I just like want to be here and I'm like, okay, this is different, because that again goes against the medical model. Like you can't just go to your doctor because you want to be seen, your insurance is gonna be like, yeah, I'm not paying for that, right, and so you have to figure out workarounds.

Speaker 2:

But like you're seeing this like entire generation of people who see their therapist for extended periods of time, who like work with people for the long haul, like they don't come in and they're like, yeah, fix me in six sessions and then I'm done. They're like, yeah, I understand, this is gonna be like multiple year process. Like, how do I follow you? I've had clients follow me from job to job to job, like because they're like I don't want a new person, like what we're doing is working, I don't want a new person, and there is a time and a place like I have been, like you do need a new person.

Speaker 2:

I am not the person anymore and that's my job. But sometimes it's sometimes they don't need a new person, sometimes they're just evolving, as I'm evolving. And on top of that you have again a new generation of people who are coming into therapy, where it's normalized thanks to the pandemic. They see it on their social media all the time but they want to know you as a person, like as when they come into your office. They do not like if they know nothing about you. They want to see that you are a human who empathizes with them, who has had similar experiences and can actually connect through like shared experience rather than your expertise, do you?

Speaker 1:

think that's a good thing, or or do you think that there's any kind of like boundaries or ethical issues with that?

Speaker 2:

I mean the good therapist in me is like there's definitely ethical issues and there's things that can go wrong really fast. I definitely think that's accurate and I think one of the challenges, like I've I've pushed myself and I definitely cannot say this for other people One of the things I've pushed myself and I definitely cannot say this for other people one of the things I've challenged myself with is is is something ethical to me, like, what are my ethics? How do I get really clear on, like, what my human ethics are, and how do I challenge myself to say can I live with that if it goes wrong? Yeah, like, yeah, like any person making a mistake like can I live with the fact that, like I don't know, this client, like knows this thing about my family that I've chosen to share? Yeah, I can live with that. Does my son still have my husband's name and I have my maiden name? Yeah, like, like.

Speaker 2:

So there's like a line right that I have set for myself where I'm trying I try to protect myself and I also try to be human for my clients, healers, to be aware of, cause I think it's not just therapy, I think it's massage therapy, I think it's physical therapy, I think it's like anything where you are working with someone consistently to change something. They want connection, like even a medical doctor, like if you see your PCP regularly. I don't. I don't want a PCP who's like, sees me and then, like, never asked me questions about my personal life. I don't. I don't want a PCP who, like, sees me and then, like, never asks me questions about my personal life. I don't want that anymore.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and like I think about mine and I've been with mine for quite some time too and it's like I think she she does such a wonderful job of like, always maintain, like I always know that that boundary is there. She does. She's so, you know, professional and I know what the, I know what the lines are, um, to protect that safety that we have with each other. Um, but we also, you know, crack up over things that we're talking about and we also, you know, are like we have that relationship with each other but like there's still that like line that just never gets crossed and that helps me to feel like I'm always safe. She always has, you know, like my best interest at at heart, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I just think there's just so many pieces that are going to evolve over this next 10 years that that we have to figure out how to evolve with.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. What about for, like, the people that maybe have the assumption that like, oh, because I didn't experience anything like overly traumatic, I don't need therapy? What's your perspective on that?

Speaker 2:

I think people get really caught up in the diagnosis and the terms that we use to describe why someone should go to therapy, and I fully believe that, like a lot of the time, we can't see what was traumatic to us, like we can't without someone being like okay, yeah, that actually wasn't normal. Like what you're experiencing wasn't normal and it wasn't okay, and maybe that wasn't this huge, massive life altering thing, but what you felt in that moment, yeah, that wasn't okay. And I also just think, if, if anybody is like sitting there listening and they're like do I need therapy, do I need support? It's like that the fact that you're asking that question alone means the answer is probably yes, cause it means you have something you want shifted or changed and that's what that's for.

Speaker 1:

And, like I, you had shared with me that you kind of were challenged in sort of these identity shifts that you had for yourself, going from therapist to coach to business owner and, like the, the different identities that you were going through. I love what you said where you said you had to understand your. You had to shift to understand that the changes were a gift and not something that was broken within you. Can you share more about what you mean by that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I grew up very, very strongly with the belief that there was something wrong with me, like that is a core belief that I have for many different reasons in my life, and I was not. I am a consistent person, but my like, passions and likes and interests shift really rapidly and I think the way that I was brought up was very much like how do you build stability and security Really Like that's the goal? How do you have stability? How do you have security? How do you know what you're going to do? How do you build stability and security really Like that's the goal? How do you have stability? How do you have security? How do you know what you're going to do? How do you identify?

Speaker 2:

And I've always struggled with labels, um, like, just have always, and like even to the point where I'm like not a good sports fan and I don't understand sports because, like I don't understand how people can like be like I am this. It doesn't make sense to me. It's a constant debate in my home and I, being a therapist, is a safe is safe. People understand it. People, it's a safe identity. They understand, like what it means. People understand kind of what you do. People understand that making money is hard, like there are a lot of stereotypes in that identity. That that is just like comforting, right, because I don't have to really explain anything, unless someone's like sitting next to you on the plane and they want you to like diagnose them. So then sometimes I lie about what I do, but I think like for the most part, people understand it's like an easy grasp when you start to throw in the term like for me.

Speaker 2:

When I started to to I to like ponder with this idea of coaching, it brought up a lot of like X for me, because I I was like in the yoga wellness field for a while. Um, I grew up dancing Like I was. I understand like there's health coaching is a thing and like all of that to me was always like this is really gray and there's not clarity, there's not uh, expectations, there's not like rules I love rules, I'm like a good rule follower there's not clear ethics, like there's this is gray. And when you say to someone I do coaching, they're like Ooh, so you're like an influencer, right, like they have this like stereotype of like oh, so you don't have any training, you don't have any like things, you just are doing this experience and I was like, well, no, because, like I actually have a mental health license, like, yeah, I have a master's degree, I'm actually like very well equipped, equipped to coach.

Speaker 2:

But like again, it's like a box that isn't clear. And then you throw in that I opened a business and, like I moved kind of into this entrepreneurial world where, like I don't have employees like that was never something on my radar I um have office space, like I have, am responsible, I like do social media marketing. I can like talk about social media marketing. Now, it's never something I thought I would be able to explain. And then people are like, oh, so what's your business right? And they want you to like, they want to put you in a box of like what you do, or you do tech or you do this thing.

Speaker 2:

And for me, not fitting into those boxes always meant I was broken If I didn't fit in the box and I couldn't make you understand me. Being seen and heard and like understood for me is so, so important, because that's not something I felt as a kid. I was always like, oh my gosh, I'm making other people uncomfortable because I don't know the answers or I I can't tell you exactly what it is that I'm doing and a lot of it is because I pivot really really rapidly, like it's. It's a thing about my personality that makes it really hard for people to place me into a box, I think, but like I crave the box because I want to be understood. But I really had to work with, like this idea that, like my ability to pivot is actually what makes me good at what I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, my ability to change my identity, and not in the sense that I'm like changing who I am. I'm still showing up relatively the same. My ability to change my identity, and not in the sense that I'm like changing who I am. I'm still showing up relatively the same. My personality shows up the same. It's just it's the way that I do. It shows up differently and that's a gift. That means that I'm adaptable, it means I'm resilient, it means I can adjust, it means I can, I can give myself space and grace to be different, even if people don't always understand that.

Speaker 1:

It also makes me think of, like, the examples where people only know one identity. So, like a mom, you know whose child is about to leave the house or turn 18 or whatever. And it's like, leave the house or turn 18 or whatever, and it's like there's that timeframe of like now I don't know, I don't know who I am, because for 18 years or longer this is the identity that I had. Or like you know someone in high school and college who always excelled in the boxed place. You know, got the good grades, went from point A to point B, and is now in the boxed place. You know, got the good grades, went from point A to point B and is now in the in the real world, sort of going like wait, so where are the parameters? And there aren't any, you know. And so it makes me think of that where, like those are really hard shifts for people.

Speaker 2:

So hard and that's where, actually, you see a lot of mental health come up, because that's those are the moments where those like old, old coping patterns show up the most. And, like I can, I can say firsthand like my kiddo is only 18 months old and so like I am in the like adjustment to motherhood and like being a working mom and owning a business and like still growing that business, and like every day is me feeling like a failure because I can't give a hundred percent to one of those boxes, yeah, and like me feeling like a failure because I can't, I can't, like I can't get into, I can't feel comfortable in one of them or the other. I have to be in both. I have to have like two feet and everything and I need like 17 arms basically.

Speaker 2:

But I think when we get to these places of these really big transitions like that, where we're moving from like one space to the next and and we we get really wrapped up in like well, who am I now? And it's like the real question needs to become like who do I want to be now and how do I tolerate that? Like I thought I had all these systems but now I get to actually have the freedom to say what is it that I actually want? What do I want to keep? What do I want to let go of? What do I want to hold on to? What do I want to be different?

Speaker 1:

All these moving pieces. So one of the things that I know just in, you know, kind of reading about some of this and and there's actually a gentleman that's going to come onto the show here in a few weeks about the access to therapy, the access whether it be from a financial standpoint, or that there's not enough qualified mental health professionals for people to choose from. It strikes me that, like the equation, there's a couple of things part of the equation. One, there's this like for me, I remember when my healing journey started to really turn a corner was when I understood having the awareness of something was probably one of the first things, because until you're aware that something is there, it's sort of like you know it's just part of your everyday habit. And then regulating the nervous system, would'm guessing two kind of maybe pivotal things that you could start with. But what are some things that people can do if access is a problem for them?

Speaker 2:

the great thing is, like the internet, right like YouTube, there's like apps now like that are pretty free and that you can use, like starting with gentle mindfulness, starting with there's a tapping app that you can use to regulate your nervous system. Um taking community yoga classes, joining like community um, like community centers where they offer like different art classes or wellness centers, like things that they do that are free, um, or that you can find online. If you're a motivated person to do it yourself, and if you're not, then are there areas in your life where you can find other people who are already doing those things and they can maybe show you A lot of books. Actually run a self-help book club. We run an eight-week. It's an eight-week book club. You get like eight weeks to read a book that we recommend it's like to join. So it's a dollar 50 a week, and the only reason we charge is so we can use a platform, so people can be all over the country and do it, or the world, I guess, if they wanted. Um. But, like, self-help books are great. They're super helpful and spotify. If you have a spotify account now, you can get some of them. The way, though, that you integrate what you're doing is to talk about it, and so, like, finding spaces and people where you can actually talk about what you're trying to change and really support each other is really, really helpful.

Speaker 2:

Um, yeah, and then there's like the key to accessing mental health support if you have health insurance is just truly understanding your health insurance, which is a complicated feat and is ever changing. Um, but like for us, at least in my practice and the way that I have run things, as accessibility is really really important and so we do. We do take health insurance. Um, we, I also set our coaching at the same price. We set our self-pay therapy. I'm not going to charge you thousands of dollars to work for me, work with me a week. I'm going to charge you what I would charge you to do therapy, because I want you to have the support, I want it to be accessible, and I don't if I, if money is the stressor you can't heal, because it's a foundational piece. It's what Maslow's hierarchy told us.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. Where does a person start on their healing journey? How do you, how do you figure out exactly what you need, um, so that you can, you know, hopefully, start on the right foot and and not wind up, you know, with with the wrong person or the wrong sort of, you know, advice? How do you even begin that journey?

Speaker 2:

The way that I share it with people is twofold. One is, um, you will work with the wrong person at some point, like it's going to happen, like to say it's not going to happen as hard, um, but like, what did you learn from that? And like, what did you figure out that you needed? Uh, psychology today is a great place to start and that's where I usually send everybody, cause you can figure out, like, do I want to work with a woman? Like, do I want to work with a woman? Do I want to work with someone virtual? Like, there's a bunch of check boxes you can select. Um, our website, f4healingco, actually has a quiz that will tell you whether or not you need coaching or therapy. It's one of the things we've implemented so that people figure out, like, am I just starting fresh or am I like in this and I actually just need a different form of support? Um, I think listening to podcasts like this, reading books, kind of figuring out what it is you feel like you need, and then being able to articulate that to someone.

Speaker 1:

And then what about for those who are kind of already on a healing journey and like just struggle with the part about implementing things into their daily life? Do you have any tips for that piece of it?

Speaker 2:

Stop trying to implement too many things at one time. Like usually people are like okay, I gained all these skills and I'm going to do them all the time. And I love to like explain to people. Like you're not going to consistency is kind of a lie. Like I would love to be a consistent person and yet, like, if you're like I'm going to be consistency is kind of a lie. Like I would love to be a consistent person and yet, like, if you're like I'm going to exercise every day cause I know this helps me with my mental health, you're not.

Speaker 2:

Like, let's be real, life happens. Your job gets in the way, your kids get in the way, you get sick. Like there are things that cannot be done every day. So are you doing it more often than you're not doing it? Do you have a toolbox? I have a list of things I can do when things get hard and I know how to access that. And like, can I just make things simple, easy, sometimes simple and easy Don't go hand in hand. But like, how do I simplify what I'm trying to do? So I'm doing one thing a day? That's going to make a difference. Yeah, Doing more than one thing a day is not going to. It just doesn't work. I wish it would. I mean, I might be a better person if it did, but it doesn't yeah.

Speaker 1:

No, I think that's so true, like we can. Only, you know, we we vastly overestimate what we can get done in a week and we vastly underestimate what we can get done in a year. It's like the small consistent, you know, which is why we talk about that so much on this, on this podcast is like what are those little things? If you just want to, if you have five minutes, like what's the next step you can take if this is a particular, you know, topic that interests you Exactly?

Speaker 2:

I'm like not thinking of it all at once, but thinking of it as like tiny, tiny things that get me from point A to point B Exactly.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so we're going to end on the rapid fire questions. We do this for every podcast and I will name the questions for you, and some of these are ones that we ask everybody. But here we go. If you owned a boat, what would you name it?

Speaker 2:

Oh my, God, weirdly, the first thing that came to my mind is Rufus, which was our old dog. Oh, what kind of dog was he? He was like a cockapoo mix, but I just always liked the name Rufus.

Speaker 1:

I like that name too, I love dogs, which is a hard visual. So yeah, yeah, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Speaker 2:

When I was really little I wanted to be a princess, and then I decided I wanted to be a teacher, which really don't go hand in hand.

Speaker 1:

But those were the two things. Yeah, those were the things. I wanted to be a vet, uh, and then I was like, uh, I can't handle animals that are sick and dying.

Speaker 2:

So I thought I'd be a physical therapist, and it's like I actually don't want to touch people for a living.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, um. What's a book that you would recommend to everyone?

Speaker 2:

It's hard to think of one. Yeah, the book that I actually do recommend to everyone, especially clients it's a self-help book is um oh, running on empty, which is a book on childhood emotional neglect and not just to be clear for everyone listening, it's not a book, it's by Jonas Webb and it's not on a book of like you were locked in a closet, which is a form of neglect, and you were like left there. This is like how your emotional needs were not met as a child and how that manifests as an adult, and it is a game changer.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I haven't heard of that one. I'm going to have to look it up now.

Speaker 2:

It's really great. And it's not written for therapists, it's written for like clients and like normal person.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. I love those kinds of books. I just find it all so fascinating to dive into, like all of that stuff, the brain and you know how, how we work, and yeah, yeah, okay. So if you could teleport to anywhere in the world right now, where would you go On?

Speaker 2:

the beach somewhere. I would love to be somewhere warm. It's like going to snow again Ocean beach. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I know we don't have oceans here, obviously in Iowa, and it's just not the same. Lakes are just not the same. What is a song that, when it comes on, you immediately want to get up and dance, preferably on a table a?

Speaker 2:

song that, when it comes on, you immediately want to get up and dance, preferably on a table. That's a hard one. My immediate thought is like anything, taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is my love language. It's an obsession.

Speaker 1:

She's amazing. I mean just amazing. I don't even think I would call myself a Swifty, but I just have to respect and really love her music.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, I'm definitely a Swifty and she's just marketing genius. Yeah, really. Yeah, she's amazing. I was like one year I was like in her like 0.5% top listeners, you were, oh, yeah, yeah, but also I'm an anxious person, so I also like consistent things. Yeah, yeah, but I'm like anxious person, so I also like consistency. Yeah, yeah, totally surprises. But I'm like, yeah, did I go see her?

Speaker 1:

at a store.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

I have never wait. No, I saw her when she was like opening, Like I mean, I took my, my little niece, to see her and it was magical.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I've seen her a handful of times. It's worth every penny.

Speaker 1:

I believe it, I really do believe it. I think she's just incredible. If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be? Grammar?

Speaker 2:

I think right now writing, I'm doing a lot of like marketing things and spelling grammar, writing articulately and concisely on any of those copy editing All the words. Yeah, copy editing all the words.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, all the words. Um, as a self-proclaimed word nerd, I feel that one I I'm on the other end of the spectrum where I do it all day long, so I I understand that struggle. Um, okay, name a mantra, quote, affirmation or words that you personally live by um, there are two for me.

Speaker 2:

Um, she believed she could, so she did. It's a big one. And then what is meant for you?

Speaker 1:

will never miss you, I love that somebody else on the show said she didn't feel the weight until she felt the freedom, and I was like, oh my gosh, wow, yeah, yeah, oh. I just love those that just like slappy in the face, like a wet mackerel. Those are my kind of quotes. Um, okay, french kiss or French fry, definitely a.

Speaker 2:

French fry. I love French fries.

Speaker 1:

I'm very excited that my 18 month old is now very into french fries yes, uh, my dog actually was refusing to get in the car, like maybe about a month ago, and you know what saved, solved it french fries, she's like nope, I'm not getting in the car. And then I was like how about with this? She was like okay, oh, french fries. I mean, french fries are always. It's always like 70 30, where people choose the french fries over the french kiss.

Speaker 2:

So there you have it. I think I'd have to be guaranteed that the french kiss was gonna be really good yeah, yeah, I mean the both of them have to.

Speaker 1:

We're we're gonna have to understand that, like both of them would be good, because if it's like a cold, overly potatoey french fry then not as good. It's gonna be hot and for me personally, crispy, yeah, agreed, 1000 percent. Um, who's your celebrity crush?

Speaker 2:

probably Regé-Jean. I'm definitely saying his name from Bridgerton right now the one that was in the first season oh my goodness, he is dreamy he's like coming out in a new movie I just saw and I was like I guess we'll watch that.

Speaker 2:

I literally watched Dungeons and Dragons with my husband because of it and he was in it for like 20 minutes and I was like that guy's in the movie. I'm like I guess we'll watch that. I literally watched Dungeons and Dragons with my husband because of it. I was like, and he was in it for like 20 minutes, he was like that guy's in the movie. I'm like, okay, great.

Speaker 1:

You're like well, I guess I'm a Dungeons and Dragons fan now. Oh, I love it yeah he is really handsome.

Speaker 2:

I guess his accents fell really fast.

Speaker 1:

I mean sort of English British accents there. Yeah, I'm with you on that one. Um, if you could do anything right in this moment that would make you feel free, what would you do? I?

Speaker 2:

definitely think I'd just go outside. I definitely just need to spend more time outside.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, be out in nature. I recently learned about forest bathing, which I didn't know like was a thing, and I was like this is so interesting. But even though, like I don't take enough time to just like be intentionally outside and, like you know, noticing what's around me when I do, I legitimately feel different, and so there's just something to be said for it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it definitely changes things.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the last question that I ask everybody who comes on the show what does French kissing life mean to you, like in reference to your podcast, or just if you heard that somebody was French kissing life, what would you think that that meant?

Speaker 2:

They were passionate, connected, enjoyed pleasure. Passionate connected, enjoyed pleasure. Secure, yeah, really present and impactful, I think.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think so too. I think all of those things are really just. I hope that you know, when people listen like they get, they get glimpses of what that could look like for them. People listen like they get, they get glimpses of what that could look like for them. Totally, yeah, uh. So if anybody wants to connect with you, they want to check out your business and or, you know, look into your services, how can they do that?

Speaker 2:

Um our website, the forward healingco. We also have an Instagram, which is also forward healingco, Um. Those are the best ways to get in touch with us and follow us along. We have some new offerings. I'm actually taking some coaching clients in June, so people can check it out.

Speaker 1:

And your quiz is fantastic. I took it last night. It's super short and you're like, oh okay, this is awesome At least I think provides people with such a great little starting point on where they can go with this if they're interested.

Speaker 2:

Totally, and that was actually the goal was just like educating people and like actually you might need a different form of support than you think you do. So, like let us help you figure that out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Becca. Thank you so much for coming on. I could talk about this stuff literally all day, because, because I'm fascinated by it and I have personally benefited from the type of work that you do, so, um, personally, thank you for the work that you're doing because, um, I've just seen, you know, I've seen what it can do for my own life and I I want to encourage everybody to check into it if, if they're, if they feel called. Thank you, thank you so much. We'll see you guys next time.

Speaker 1:

A healing journey is truly about as unique as the individual, so just know that if you are just starting out on your own healing journey and you're not even sure where to go, there are so many different ways that you can approach it. I would also like to give the disclaimer that I have shared before on the show. I am not a licensed professional and therefore cannot give advice to anyone's unique situation. I am also not a trauma-trained interviewer, so please seek out professional support if you're able to, for deep trauma and super sensitive situations that you may be faced with Now. Having said that, I also know that the access part of this equation is very real. A lot of people simply cannot afford a therapy, afford therapy, or they can't find a qualified mental health professional in their area. So today's kindness in action segment is geared around finding avenues to try if this may be where you're at. So, even if access is not an issue for you, I think that these resources can still be super helpful in anyone's healing journey. So here are some steps you can take to explore this concept, whether you have five minutes to spare or 50. If you have five minutes, I have an article from Psych Central called what to Do If you Can't Afford Therapy. And if you have 50 minutes, I have another article, this time from Two Chairs, called what Kind of Therapist Do I Need? And then, if you aren't sure whether you need a therapist or a coach, you can take the free quiz on Becca's website. It literally takes less than five minutes, can point you in a direction or give you insight that maybe you didn't have before. Of course, if you want to connect with Becca and learn more about what her company does to help people on their mental health journey beyond therapy, I'll leave her website information in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

We are taking a mind-body-spirit approach at French kissing the hell Out of Life, so stay tuned for more insightful episodes that can help you find more joy and passion for your day-to-day lives. I simply cannot wait for you to see who I have coming on next. Thanks so much for tuning in to another episode of French Kissing Life. I'm your host, shauna Stiver, and I'll see you next time.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the French Kissing Life podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. If you're enjoying the show, shower us with a five-star rating and hit that subscribe button to make sure you never miss a future episode. And if you would be so kind and give the show a review, I'll sweeten the deal for you. Since you know I live for good conversation. I want to hear from you. Share your favorite takeaways and aha moment you had, or a fun emoji that represents this week's show, along with your Instagram handle or email address, and you'll be entered to win this month's giveaway. The French kissing life movement is gaining momentum, and your ratings and reviews play a pivotal role in propelling the show to new heights until next week.